Magnetic Man Dudes - 004 - Strongman

They all knew Yellow was the strongest, but they didn't realise just how strong he was until he held more than the rest of them combined.

Re-Writes (original): The Flayed Ones Tear Forth

This is a start of something a little different.
In these segments, I am going to first post something that I have written before. Then, over the course of the next week or so, the intention is to re-write it to make it better and/or to extend it and then post the new and (hopefully) improved piece.

This first one was written for a minor competition four or five years ago for a forum called "The C'Tan Support Group", a forum for people who are interested in the Necron race from the Warhammer 40K universe.
This was written over the course of about a day or so, as John and Moss can attest to as we were waiting for the rain to pass when we were caravanning near Forster at the time, then later edited a bit when I typed it up.
Got me first place and custom naming rights for my forum avatar... though, to be fair, only five people entered and two of those were under the age of 15. But, hey... victory.
It's kinda... meh. Should be pretty clear where it can be improved... though I'd like to think that I can at least probe and possibly disgust all of the senses by the end.
Should be an interesting exercise.

---

The Flayed Ones Tear Forth

 

Joe Brown surveyed the vast plains of the farm from the hill. The sun beat down warmly in the evening, the long day's work complete. He brushed away a bead of sweat from his chin before returning the full brimmed hat to his head and remounting Riverdash. With a gentle heel to the ribs of the horse, Joe rode down the side of the rolling hill. The sun's warmth was replaced by a cool shade towards the bottom. A twilight breeze kicked up from the south and, by the time the habitation facility was visible through the rows of the crops, only the glow of moonlight illuminated the area.

Bright flashes erupted everywhere. The startled horse bucked and cast Joe into the cold dirt. Multiple deafening cracks from all around overrode both the horse's neigh and his shout of pain. He rolled over and slowly tried to get up as Riverdash bolted through the fields. Pounding pain throbbed through his head and his right arm gave sharp jolts when he tried to move it. His gait was unsteady and he had to lean up against a corn stalk to stabilise himself. Concussion and the flashes of light combined to give him blurred vision. Joe started to stumble confusedly in the direction of the habitation facility when he saw dim light reflecting off a looming figure. Though he couldn't see properly, there was clearly no good intent in the way it held itself. In the distance, the stable of horses were whinnying and the bellow of shotguns could be heard. Joe turned and started to run, but the injuries he sustained overwhelmed his sense of balance. He fell to the ground, a loud snap signifying that his right arm had now well and truly broken. A small whimper left him as slicing pain cut through his back. His legs no longer worked when he tried to move. Distant screaming replaced the shotgun blasts as Joe used his one good arm to face his assailant. The dead weight of his lower body prevented him from fully turning over before his pain was stopped forever.

***

The shelter was packed. People were sprawling everywhere in the dimly lit enclosed space. Heavy tension was thick through the damp air. The odour of sweat pervaded the atmosphere as dour faces spoke many rumours. Brian Stanton moved through the milling crowd, listening to various versions of the events above ground whenever he was forced to stop.
“I heard that the northern continent hive was attacked by the ruinous powers and -”
He was pushed on by the force of the crowd.

“-ern continent was hit first. Nobody has heard from the central lands either. I don't think that any one will.”

“Why not?”

“Well, if it started at the north continent, it will move around it and that means that the central lands would have to be -”

The direction of the melancholy crowd shifted again.

“-anids are vile alien creatures. They're evil and will eat you alive and -”

Though all the rumours were different, one thing in common was that they all spelled doom for the people here. He turned and tried to go against the tide of the crowd but the waves of people kept pushing him deeper into the bunker. He forced himself to the walls and slowly drew himself back up the hill towards the entrance. A booming voice piped up above the crowd.

“The Emperor is coming for us! The heretics amongst us will be punished!” Brian turned to see the the voice belonging to someone being held aloft by fellow men. “You can not hide! Your soul will be damned for eternity when -” A series of low booms was heard overhead as the underground caverns shook slightly. A few shrill screams pierced the air. Moments more passed in silence until, “Hear the Emperor meting out divine justice above! Your time has come! Repent!” Brian moved on in earnest, eager to get through the discomforted crowds. The steady repetition of shelling above thudded through the complex, getting slightly louder as he moved closer to the entrance.

It was a full five minutes of jostling through the crowd before he arrived at his destination. The hive leaders were having heated arguments with the sergeants of the soldiers stationed to protect the public from what was going on outside. Behind them, soldiers were sitting intently viewing pict-screens of the outside world. Some had headphones on, listening in to and feeding intelligence back out to those out in the streets.

The structure shook violently, throwing many to the ground. A giant boom cracked overhead. Crumbling masonry and dirt filtered through the cool air as screams erupted from the frightened crowd below. Confused, Brian looked around at the carnage and caught a glimpse of one of the pict-screens. Where there was once buildings now lay smoking rubble. Soldiers with headphones were rapidly speaking.

“No, you can't... Look, I'll get my sarge but he's probably going to tell you exactly what I just said.” An officer got up and pulled one of the arguing sergeants aside. He whispered something that Brian couldn't hear, to which the sergeant nodded and headed over to the to the communications equipment.

“Put him on loudspeaker, Woods.” With a flick of a switch, the sounds of battle could be heard.

“This is Sergeant Jackson of Ess Dee Four Three.” His commanding voice was calm and in direct contrast to the frantic voice on the other end of the static filled speakers.

“Sergeant Palmer of the twenty third. We need to get inside! It's the only way that we'll all make it through!”

“You know the rules, Palmer. Nothing leaves or enters shelters until -”

“I don't care! You aren't going to survive this! Didn't you feel that? That was the building next to us exploding! We are stationed in your building and I lost half my men to the debris! There is no way that- HRRGGAAAAAAGHH!!!” Everybody in earshot froze in shock. The blood curdling scream ripped through the radio for a moment, then nothing but static could be heard.

“... Line's dead, sir.” Woods switched off the speakers, head bowed in dismay.

“... What happened to him?” Brian asked. The sergeant turned to him and recognised him for what he was.

“What are you doing here, civilian? You aren't supposed to be here! Woods, escort him out of-” He stopped and whipped out his laspistol. “What's that behind you?”

The communications officer turned around to see a translucent figure looming above him. A snake-like tail hung down from a hovering body. An unnatural ribcage held up broad stooped shoulders. A long skull-like metal head peered malevolently out of the shoulders. The wispy body suddenly became opaque as arm-length taloned fingers swiped forward. Woods only reaction was to launch backward on the seat. The claws caught an arm, effortlessly slicing it off. He screamed as the thing pressed its attack, wrapping the lengthy tail around him. The jagged edges of the tail forced their way into him, multiple electric shocks sending Woods into convulsions as his tortured shouts filled the air.

“Fire at will!” Jackson took aim at the being holding the now unconscious Woods. Other soldiers did the same with their Lasguns. The thing tossed Woods aside into a group of soldiers and turned translucent again. Streaks of light passed straight through its body, seemingly without causing any damage.

“What the hell is that thing?” Brian's shouted over the calls of soldiers. Jackson pushed him behind an upended table.

“Get out of here! This is no place for you! Run and hide!”

Brian peeked out from behind the table. Another ghostly monstrosity floated through the blocked entrance way.

“Another one came through the door!”

“Impossible...” Jackson whispered as the new one tore a gaping hole in an unlucky soldier. As the soldiers turned to fire at the new threat, the first one seized the initiative. It regained its physical form and zipped towards a distracted soldier, the force of the blow shattering his skull. The tail lashed into another soldier, electric shocks in the chest ensuring that he too would not get back up. The confused soldiers split their fire. The first figure was hit directly in its featureless face, and dropped heavily to the ground. The other one shifted back into its incorporeal form and drifted around. “Keep firing! Stop it from being solid!” The phantom lurched towards the crowds of people, catching the soldiers off guard. “Stop it!”

The men began to run towards the crowd but were stopped by numerous blinding lights and a loud whip-like crack. They jumped for the nearest cover as the lights quickly grew into tall stooped figures and the fully tangible warriors were able to be seen. Their features were spine-chilling solid skeletal constructs. The hulking bodies were silver, the dim lighting of the underground cavern reflecting off shiny limbs and metal ribs. Their smooth heads held the same menacing stare as the wraith-like creatures, their kyphotic stance just as sinister. Just like the ghosts, their fingers were long razor sharp implements. Several of the beings had teleported directly into people. The mass of metal and flesh combined and toppled. As soon as the conglomeration hit the ground, the metal disappeared in another flash of light and left only the hideously deformed remains of a person.

“Fire at the new things!” Jackson's voice now somewhat shaky as more flashes and cracks entered the cavern.

A series of lasers pierced the dusty air but the new marauders seemed unfazed, shrugging off what would normally kill a person. Swipes of their terrifying blades cut down horrified men like butter. Brian started running, face streaming, even before the sergeant ordered the call for his men to do the same.

A new stench entered the foetid air. Brian turned to see some of the fallen soldiers being shredded by the metal skeletons. Some metallic beasts were no longer bare skeletal constructs for they had grotesque skins. The nearest one tore through Jackson and opened his abdomen, a new wave of nausea hitting Brian just as hard as the reeking of ruptured bowels filling his nostrils. He collapsed and threw up as the being eviscerated the sergeant. He was too shaky to get to his feet as the sickening beast sliced the skin off the person and slid into it. Entrails and blood dribbled down the exoskeleton. Shreds of clothing quivered as bone fragments jutted out at odd angles. Brian trembled violently, dry heaving as he saw metal feet move towards him. Even over the discordant screams, he could hear the squelching of tangled internal organs as the abomination approached. Time slowed as he tearfully looked up at his death.

Multiple blades pierced his body and perforated internal organs. His eyes widened as the blades slid through his abdomen into his chest cavity. The cold metal arms forced Brian to his feet. Only a bloody gurgle dribbled out of his mouth as a second set of blades impaled him. The terror twisted its talons within him as Brian began to crumple forward. The thing ducked and wrenched open the rib cage, the horrifying eruption of blood, viscera and other internal fluids showering the ground. It allowed what was left of the body to fall on top of itself, adding another gruesome pelt to its skeletal form.

The metallic beast had to pause and slice openings for its optical sensors before rejoining the silent legions marching without compromise to certain death.

Mid Week Microscopy - 002 - Wooden Lizard

~30x Magnification
Eye of the Wooden Lizard, created by burning in to the wood.

~35x Magnification
Part of the pattern on it's back.

Image of the Lizard, temporarily donated by Holly, for this shoot.

Magnetic Man Dudes - 003 - Road Test

Why yes, they have been road tested and are road worthy to 55km/h.

Amusingly, it was only the scaredy cat who survived past 60km/h

Tome of Unwritten Works: Emotion Thought Shift

And so begins my delving in to the Tome of Unwritten Works for content.

This was originally thought up about 12 months ago in the middle of a night after waking up at roughly 1 in the morning. I lay there for a few minutes and then this spark of inspiration hit. Half hour later, I was busy jotting down plot notes. This was a month or three after starting to read a book called The Weird, a compilation of short stories that all had an aspect of strange, unusual happenings that occasionally bordered on supernatural (more details on these in a future post, perhaps) from such authors as Franz Khafka, Steven King, H. P. Lovecraft and William Gibson.
I remember that I should have written the entire thing out that night/within a few days because I quickly lost the inspiration impetus and the will & time to write it faded. I also remember that I intended this to be a longer story (details at the end, after the conclusion) that possibly would have been a story to fill out for NaNoWriMo, if I were ever to do one, but I have decided that it is not necessary, nor could I carry it on to novel length (again, details at the end). 

---

---

Bed is made, lunch is sorted and packed. Time?
*check watch*
0749
Excellent, on time today. Maybe even early, depending on how good the walk is.
*leave home*
*lock door*
*start walking North up street*
Jeez, it's a good day -
*brief look up to sky*
- for early Winter. The clouds are far and wide spread, white. Sunny. It's warm. Must be about 20 degrees.
*brief check phone for current temperature*
22. Wow, looks like it will probably hold too. A light breeze from the West, but it's not as chilly as yesterday morning's.
Oop, person coming.
*brief nod*
"Morning."
*other person nods and says "Good Morning."*
*smile as person walks by*
I think that moving here was one of the better things that I have done. The people seem quite friendly. I think that's the benefit of moving away from the larger central locations: The more crowded it gets, the more people try to hold back, close themselves in. It's like a defense mechanism. It just seems like people are more open out here where the space is more open. The open air is better and people just seem more... I don't know.... free, I suppose. You just couldn't - oop, another one -
*smile*
"Good Morning."
*older person smiles, tips head and jovially says "How's it goin'?"*
"Great, how are you?"
*older person winks and says "Not bad, have a good one."*
"You too."
*person walks by*
See, that's just another example of the good life people seem to be leading out here.
*wait by corner as car moves in front*
*car has moved on, street is clear*
*move across*
Right, today's itinerary. Today should be a breeze: most of the hard work was done in the past week. After finishing the installation of the next two systems today or tomorrow, and the usual generic troubleshooting, the whole place ought to be moving a whole lot more smoothly. It's not that it was bad before, it's just that it could have been run better. This upgrade will bring it in line with everything else in the city. The whole service will then be updated and should work well for the next ten or so years. This is really a step forward and I'm proud to have done my part with it. Today is looking up, I think.
*loud noise*
*look up*
*primary school children running*
*"HI!" shouts one, waving as she goes by*
*smile and wave back*
"Hi!"
*"BYE!" as the last one waves and goes past*
"Bye!"
I remember being like that. It wasn't that long ago, really. Run past the old tree, right to the corner of Jones Street, Wait for the lollipop lady to stop the traffic. Walk, always walk or you would get in to trouble, across the road, then start sprinting again until you hit the school.
Ahh... good times.
*notice younger high school kids approaching*
*nod head*
"Morning."
*the one on the right barely tips head whilst maintaining eye contact, the one on the left appears to be in deep concentration or otherwise distracted*
*notice something... indescribable*
...Huh... That was... odd...
*turn back whilst still walking forward*
*the one who is on the right has also turned back whilst walking slower, a look of vague confusion on his face*
*stop as he stops and exchange glances*
*shake head for a moment before returning to face forward and walk*
I'm not really sure what just happened but something a little... strange. I... don't know. Unusual.
Umm...
Moving on...
*notice the breeze from the south*
*shiver*
Damn, who turned the air conditioning on? It's a lot more chilly than before.
*notice that the light has visibly dimmed*
*look up*
Where did that black cloud come from?
*look down to ground*
*wrap arms around self*
Uhh...
So ... Yeah, so the only real issue will be management. I think they will throw a spanner in the works when they see the corners cut to get things done. Documentation of how it was done is not as important as actually doing it. If we waste time on that, we will never get it done on time and then management will whinge at how much over this is costing every day. And the meetings. Jeez, I mean -
*sound of car horn*
*look up and stop walking*
*notice car has had to swerve around you as you stepped off the curb*
*notice angry driver glaring at you, raising arms to ask what you were thinking*
*raise hands up defensively*
"My bad, Sorry!"
*driver shakes head and drives off*
*resume walking*
Wow... my mind is off today.
...
Anyway, management.
Yeah, with their incessant meetings and progress checks, it's hard to get anywhere when you are subjected to daily meetings detailing progress. I mean if I'm in a meeting, I am not working on the project. If I'm typing up documentation that really doesn't need to be done then I can't do work. And if I'm in a meeting I can't do anything to the -
Wait...
Now I'm in cyclic thoughts.
Dammit.
*notice that legs are exerting more energy than expected*
*realise this is because of a hill*
*notice a sharper, colder breeze has kicked up*
*shiver*
*check watch*
0801
I do not have a good feeling about today...

---

"So I was watching X-Men this morning and I was thinking just how much superheroes and superpowers have changed in the past... I don't know... century," Daniel said.
"Century?" asked James.
"Well I guess that's how long they have been around. Comics and things like that."
"Right."
They crossed the road to start the descent down the hill.
"Yeah, look at the older style heroes. Superman, for example, has been around forever and can do EVERYTHING: Fly, impervious to damage -"
"Except for Kyptonite."
"Well yeah... But that's kinda the point I'm getting to. See, as time has gone on, the heroes are getting less powerful and have more weaknesses or use their abilities less for some reason."
"Oh... Kay..."
"No, really, think about it: Heroes these days are getting hurt more often. Back in the day, it was nearly unthinkable for a hero to take any form of real damage. These days, not a day goes by without half a story being told where the hero has been crippled or beaten before rising up again."
"For example?"
"OK, how about Batman."
James snorted. "Batman's been around forever. Didn't they have, like, a live action TV show ages ago or something?"
"Hmm... maybe. Dunno. I'll look it up on the internet later. But think of recent times. The most recent Batman movies has him nearly dead or completely failing for half of the movie."
"Another thing: Batman's not a real superhero."
"Hey? Why not?" Daniel looked puzzled.
"He's got no superpowers. All of his stuff is technological advancement and having a shitload of money to throw around."
"Yeah, but it's close enough."
"Meh. Let's try a different example then. X-Men, you said."
"Yeah, ok. Storm. Weather Control. That's Game Over for anyone opposing you, right? So why isn't she running the world or something? Why would bad guys ever exist when someone can literally point lightning at you?"
"You're only thinking of Storm because of the booty."
"Pshyeah. Also," Daniel pointed ahead, "big black clouds approaching."
James thought for a moment before nodding.
"Yeah, alright. I'll give that one to you. Who else?"
"Jean Grey. You get the movies and the cartoon and probably the comic books where she is kinda powerful. Everyone keeps telling her that she has potential, but she never really uses it to the fullest extent ever until after she gets hurt."
"Yeah. How about X2 where she leaves the jet to get it to fly and then gets flattened by the wall of water? What sort of dumb plan was that? You are telekinetic! You can do all of that from INSIDE the friggin' plane!"
"Exactly! What about the cartoon and Jubilee: Her special ability is to create miniature fireworks. What?"
They stopped at the corner of the road and, upon seeing no cars coming, started crossing it.
"How 'bout Gambit?" James said. "He doesn't seem to do anything apart from making cards go on fire." He moved to mimic throwing a playing card, and nearly hit a running child in the head. "Hey!"
The child, and another one, ran by shouting their childish shouts.
"Pfft," Daniel started. "Kids? Who needs 'em?" After a shared chuckle, he started again. "Professor X? Capable of psychic thought reading and even MIND CONTROL. His weakness? Paralysis and not actually doing either of those things unless the world will end if he doesn't. If they got much worse, they'd be as wishy-washy as having somebody... I don't know... controlling the wind, but only if the moon is at the right phase or something."
James laughed.
"Or controlling emotions because it would be a weak ability."
Daniel laughed too, before they both noticed the person approaching.
"Yeah, piss weak."
James started to look at the ground, while Daniel acknowledged the stranger's presence when the stranger cheerfully nodded towards them and said "Morning."
And then something happened... to Daniel, it felt like a breeze changing direction. It seemed unusual and, thinking it was a direct result of the stranger that just passed, he slowly turned around to face the stranger. The stranger must have also noticed this because they were now eying each other. A look of confusion passed between them as they stood facing for several second before the stranger shook their head and started moving on again.
"Uhhh... James?" Daniel slowly drawled out. James, meanwhile, was several steps further down the street. "James?" Daniel jogged to catch up to his friend.
"What?"
"What was that?"
"What was what?"
"What just happened then?"
"What do you mean?"
"Something just happened then... with that stranger."
James shrugged and rose an eyebrow.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Daniel stood there for a moment, started trying to justify it in his head before shaking it and moving on.
"I just... Umm... yeah... So... X-Men, right?"
James just smiled as the conversation continued.

---

---

So.. yeah.
In the original plan, there was supposed to be a third scene (and extension to the first), where the Stranger was walking past a crossing with a Stop-Go Technician (sorry... Lollipop person) who recognised what happened from a distance. The whole idea was that there was another realm, a sort of shadow realm where all thought and emotion resides, and that only a few people could directly manipulate other people's emotions and thoughts.The other realm was an area that could be described as a series of colour and currents (like wind or water currents). Those who were slightly attuned, as Daniel and perhaps the stranger in this case, might be able to feel the change of current. More adept people might be able to describe it in terms of a grey-scale visualisation of the currents surrounding people, as James might be able to. More experienced people would then associate it in terms of colour changes surrounding people.The Lollypop person was one who could quite clearly see this other world and saw what James had inflicted on the stranger (manipulation of the currents and colours in the realm to generate the negative emotion) and made an effort to make reparations. The Lollypop person would then seek out James to work out a way to control him from a distance, for it is clearly an evil person who manipulates people for apparently no reason.

Anyway... It was going to end up as a longer story, but things didn't work out that way because I couldn't really work out a grander scheme/justification for the story.
I think another part of it was that the whole "other realm" aspect was a little too close to the Nightwatch series by Sergei Yukyanenko. In that series, magic happens and there is a separate simultaneous realm where magic and lives are altered through manipulation of said realm. I've only read Nightwatch but I have the other 3 books waiting to go and I'll hopefully have those read on flights that I'll soon be taking...
:D

Hope you enjoyed it, or it at least got you thinking for a bit.
:)

Mid Week Microscopy - 001 - Hair

Huh... so roughly a week has gone by without new posts.
A significant portion of this is my fault: Last Saturday, I started by intending to write down a story. I got roughly 600 words in (rough estimation of a quarter of intention) and then distractions happened.
This is something I knew was going to be a problem.
I have the issue of being quite easily - LOOK, A BUTTERFLY!
It is something I have to work on... which is another reason to have started this: To break the habits of a life time.
Also other activities, like Badminton, Hockey and On Call, are all going to pose challenges... This should be a  good way to build up to work around it.

Four days off now... so I intend to have this one finished.

Anyhew...
Hair.
Specifically mine, circa mid-2012.

~50x Magnification
My hair, pre-recolouring (Pink) and after (brown)

~190x Zoom
A piece of hair that curled back upon itself. Note the bleach coming through at the bottom whilst some colour remained elsewhere.

Magnetic Man Dudes - 002 - Gravitational Cognisance

Blue was wondering why the laws of gravity were not affecting him before gravitational cognisance took hold and whisked him off to the abyss below...

A Series of probably ineffective PSAs

Ineffective, because the target audience (i.e. morons) simply don't listen. And apparently I can't make PSAs without adding loads of cheese.

PSA 1 - I'm On Call for your Stupidity

OPENING SHOT
Middle-Close shot of a somewhat attractive person in hospital scrubs. Person is standing in a hallway near a ward or the Emergency Department

Hi, my name is *name* and I am a medical imaging technologist. That means I take X-Rays, -
Cut to scene of a cheerful radiographer taking a Chest X-Ray, or a hand XRay on a cooperative patient.

- do CT Scans, -
Cut to scene of a seemingly healthy patient in the middle of a CT scan, with smiling nurse and radiographer explaining the procedure.

And generally help the Doctors and Nurses in the Emergency Department
Cut to scene of laughing doctors, nurses and radiographer on the flight deck.
 
Cut back to person in hospital scrubs.
I love my job and the people working with me.
However, there are some aspects of my job that I could improve with your help. For example, unlike most of  the people you are familiar with for emergency medical assistance, I am not constantly working. In fact, I am On Call. At any point in the middle of the night, I can get called in -
Cut to radiographer being woken up in the middle of the night by a phone call for an emergency.

- to help the emergency teams try to save you when you think it is a good idea to get trashed and get in to fights -
Cut to uncooperative patient with a clearly broken hand and numerous cuts and bruises and radiographer trying to get patient to calm down enough to take an XRay.

- or when you thought you were okay to drive home and plowed in to a tree -
Cut to intubated patient on the CT table with frantic doctors and nurses.

or when you generally do stupid things.
Cut to concerned doctors, nurses and radiographer viewing a CT image.
"- broken neck and he's bleeding heavily in to his brain, and this is what the 3D bone reconstruction looks like." -
Cut to image of a quite obviously heavily fractured skull and face 3D CT reconstruction, to a chorus of concerned "Oooh, that's bad."/similar

I then have to work the next day -
Cut to obviously tired radiographer arriving at work, making coffee.

- and then do it all again..
Cut to rapid sequence, starting with getting the midnight phone call and quick flashes between similar scenes to above.

So next time you are getting trashed, remember -
Cut to close up of radiographer's concerned face.

Be sensible: I'm on Call for your Stupidity.

PSA 2 - You are Affecting Hundreds

OPENING SCENE
White Screen

VOICEOVER
So you got trashed, got in to the car and drove away. How many people are affected? Obviously, there is you.
A self confident douche appears on the screen (Think Jersey Shore)

Then there are the people who find you.
Next to, but away from, the douche, there are four party goers who look concerned. Douche tries hitting on one from a distance, and gets rejected.

They call the ambulance -
Next to the partygoers, three paramedics appear. Douche shrugs.

- who take you to the Emergency Department.
Next to the paramedics, two doctors and three nurses appear, clearly overworked and not impressed.

The On Call staff are phoned -
Two or three more people in scrubs appear.

- waking up their partners.
Two or three beds with tired people in them appear.

Your family is informed.
Douche's parents and siblings appear on the side of the ED Staff. Douche is clearly starting to look a little worried.

You might be admitted to the hospital and might need lifesaving surgery
Double the current number of people on screen. These new people are in various types of hospital scrubs. At this stage, the douche is looking quite small against the crowd.

By the morning, your close friends will know.
Add the douche's friends, horrified, one by one by two by three by five etc. to the group.

If you die, then you have the funeral directors.
Add two more people, and douche is now clearly unhappy.

- and many who know or are related to you.
Add in another 50 people.

If you don't die and are merely permanently disabled -
Douche now in a wheelchair.

then you have a whole host of carers and support groups that have to assist you.
Add another 10-50 people.

And that's if you only hurt yourself. What if you run in to another person -
Group doubles in size.

- or plow in to a group of people?
Triples from new size.

All of these people are affected -
Zoom from the whole screen size of the group to a close up of douche, who looks completely out of his depth.- all because you made a dumb decision.

So think carefully: Your dumb decision affects hundreds.

The Goal: NaNoWriMo story thoughts

After not really writing anything lately, the previous articles not included, I figure I should post this as a something to guide myself with, perhaps bounce a few ideas off in the public domain to get feedback and to actually put it down to see where I can improve and where the story strengths lie.

For starters, I am about to find out just how annoying brackets are mid sentence...

I like stories that have something subtle to teach the reader or otherwise give the reader food for thought, something that the reader may have never thought of before. I initially got my primary idea a year or two ago as a sort of "Hazards and potential pitfalls of technological advancement as perceived by a common person (compared to one who has to deal with it on a daily basis)" with the idea of showing off some of the potentially brilliant upcoming/growing technologies with some unintended hidden negative side effects of such things. This was going to be a short story based around a small group (2-4 people) losing something of importance to them/one of them and trying to get it back. The item could have been anything but, due to the nature of the item or local neighbourhood, the local police could not/would not be involved. The item need not necessarily be illegal, though that could have added to the story in terms of drama and tension in the neighbourhood, as it could have been something of small value or of only personal value that would be a low priority for the local constabulary. Set in the near future, obviously, the crew would find some form of video footage showing a vehicle making a rapid getaway, perhaps in a quiet street or an alley way. This will then lead to the crew going door knocking/beat down some doors (depending on neighbourhood type), only to find out that no one had heard (or "no one had heard" in the gritty scenario) the vehicle get away. As it would turn out later, either by finding the culprit or (more likely) by leap-of-logic realisation, the vehicle used was an electric vehicle (electric vehicles are quieter than combustion engine counterparts to the point that they are currently manufacturing specific sounds for electric vehicles moving at low speeds to warn pedestrians, especially vision impaired pedestrians, that the vehicles are approaching).
Oooh, just thought of this: Perhaps the crew witnessed, via security camera, some form of crime committed by another mutual friend and are trying to hush it up and/or investigate it themselves before getting the police in on it. This requires further thought....
Anyhew, possibly a car chase of some description ensues. Somewhere along the line, someone's (i.e. antagonist or protagonist) car gets hacked because that can actually happen now, let alone with new devices yet to be invented (look at #3, specifically). Or maybe the protagonist's vehicle gets hijacked by means unknown, leading to a near-death experience. Point is: Vehicular shenanigans due to inherent security flaws in vehicle design.
Antagonist gets away but somehow is now capable of being tracked via mobile device (why the don't do this earlier, I can't think of at the moment. Perhaps the chase confirms protagonist suspicions, allowing them to delve deeper and find the mobile number of the suspect? Let's run with that for the time being). Perhaps antagonist gets away again by losing the mobile phone, forcing the crew to resort to less technological ways of tracking.
That final part of the story arc was somewhat inspired as an inversion to a documentary from a British guy trying to evade a group, that specialises in tracking people down, by going completely "off the grid" (i.e. No Mobile, no phone, no internet, no ATM transactions, try to dodge all cameras). He eventually got "captured" about 70 days later (running off memory here, could be wrong), after hiding out in the British Countryside and ended up requiring mild psychiatric counselling afterwards for paranoia. Good times, thanks Steve :)

*****

As you can see, it sort of evolved from a short story to a potential novel length piece. I was considering doing it last year or two... but my complete lack of recent experience with writing (last big typing and writing were from pre-2010, when I used to be an internet junkie) and time constraints over the past two years meant that it had been put to the back of my mind indefinitely. I'd come back to the idea and modify it every now and then, and I am fairly sure some of the above wasn't near my last thought-revision of the idea, but it's always been there. My only issue with it was that I wasn't really sure of whether I could pad it out for the full 50K words. I'm good at padding, but probably not that good.... though, after writing out that basic synopsis, perhaps it could work.

However, that would mean the more disturbing/gritty approach following would not be included.

I am going to freely admit that I am not actually all that creative, or at least I don't think so. Many many many times in my past, particularly throughout highschool but not limited to then, I take things from other sources to manipulate in my own way. Actually, "take" is too weak a word. "Steal", "Pirate" and "semi-plagiarize" are probably closer, though my English teachers would probably call it closer to "appropriate".
In short, I took storylines, imagery and similar things and either wrote them into whatever I was working on or outright twist it directly to fit my means. I worked on the principal of "Talent Borrows, Genius Steals", a phrase that I first found from the now defunct graphic design company "The Designer's Republic" but I have since found to be a witticism attributed to Oscar Wilde. I'd call that ironic if I didn't want to get in to a debate as to what constituted "irony" (I've had my yearly dose of "irony" courtesy of the hipsters in Yahtzee Croshaw's Jam).
I'm going to stick with "appropriation" until proven otherwise... if only because I generally broke my things far enough away from the originals to make them somewhat unique, similar to Weird Al Yankovich's music. You'll probably see some of those stories later on as I go back to them to expand and (hopefully) improve upon them as practice. You can be the judge then.
Anyhew... My current addition to the above story involves ideas contained within this article by Yahtzee Croshaw (I promise, I am not in fanboy love with him/his works... this just happened to be a thought provoking article and he just happened to have two books out when I was on a book binge). Gamers, I urge you to read the article for an idea of a unique gameplaying experience.
 
If you haven't/don't want to read it, the article synopsis goes something like this:

*****

It is the near future. It's far enough ahead to have cybernetic enhancements as a common enough thing that Joe Consumer will have them and they are just advanced enough to have near-seamless interfacing with non-cybernetic or human constructs (i.e. you could plug yourself directly in to a system and experience perceptions based on what that system feeds you). You find yourself marooned in the ocean but come across a cruise liner. You get on board and realise it is eerily quiet. While attempting to cyber-interface with the ships computer, something happens and you lose the use of your eyes. You realise, however, that you have access to the ship's closed circuit security cameras. From here, you can use the CCTV as your "eyes". This is a little disorienting at first, because your "eyes" are not attached to your body and so you have to constantly re-orient yourself to what the ships cameras are seeing and adjust your body movements accordingly. For example, a view from one camera may have you going "up" a hallway. As you make your way out of that camera's vision, you swap your point of view to the next camera's vision... only, because this one is oriented differently, you now look as if you are moving across the screen (rather than up/down). This can cause frustration early on as you have to adjust which camera you are looking from as well as the direction and orientation of your body constantly changing whilst still using the directional movements for the body. Direct quote:
"Thus the game turns into a fixed-camera survival horror game like the early Resident Evils, albeit with a twist: you still use first person movement controls from the perspective of your actual body, pressing up on the controller to move forward, etc., and hear the game's audio as you would from your actual physical ears."
Eventually, you find clues as to the various horrors that have struck the cruise ship and work from there... possibly a computer virus that affect cybernetic implanted people by changing their perception of the world around them.

*****

Remember that bit at the beginning of this blog post where I said I like stories that give the reader something subtle to think about? Think about a cybernetic human interface that could be manipulated from external sources, like Yahtzee's game idea above... Imagine a future where people could be shut down or turned insane by not having a sufficiently good computer virus filter...

Now... It must be said that I am 50-50 about the cyberpunk genre. Whilst the whole idea of enhanced humans via cybernetic implants make me squee on account of Human/Machine hybrids and personalised internal HUDs, it also seems like a fantastically stupid thing to do (personally, I don't like the idea of surgery when you are healthy). Also seamless interfacing seems just too... unrealistic, in my opinion. Too many variables that possibly can not be controlled or regulated.
Deus Ex had a damn good crack at cyberpunk. Blade Runner and The Matrix were also pretty good. William Shatner's Tekwar (or at least the TV series, I've not read the books) was... a lesson in how bad 90s TV got, I suppose. William Gibson's Neuromancer series is an excellent way of how to simultaneously do it and not do it (from my perspective). Whilst I found the whole "connect to the internet and almost literally live there" thing a little overblown and a lot of the stuff is very dated (the height of technology being 1MB hard drives), the basis of how it all worked was pretty damn cool (especially considering the time he wrote it, before mainstream internet). Version 43 by Phillip Palmer was a good way to mix it up too although, again being a little too far fetched in places... but maybe that's where I am going wrong:
Where I try to envision something that might be within the possible realms of reality, they are are doing fantastically amazing things, like literally battling a corporation's internet security walls with a VR dragon (Neuromancer), having people upload their mind for transfer or use later (the Neuromancer series, as well as Version 43) or having an interstellar police cyborg deal with criminals who utilise quantum mechanical weapons to devastate a population (Version 43)... and all of those are damn good stories to read, if you haven't already. They are definitely having fun with the more extreme end results of cybernetics.
Perhaps I just prefer my Sci-Fi a little harder and more grounded in something that could approach reality.
That said, I can see potential in my approach to it. In many ways, I'm doing the same thing that Robert Brockway (of Cracked fame) did when he started his serialized novel Rx: A Tale of Electronegativity: I see science fiction and, though I like it, I see nothing that I personally really like... so perhaps I should just make my own. The best reason for anything, really.

Something must also be said for Yahtzee's choice of location.
Direct quotes from the article:
"The choice of setting was down to my feeling that ships at sea, with their isolated setting and cramped internal environments, are a natural setting for survival horror. While there have been many games with sections on ships, they tend to more commonly be military or merchant ships, not that different to the endemic industrial environments games throw us into all the time. A luxury ship, with its once opulent trappings brought to ruin and decay by its residents giving into their base instincts, would create a nice juxtaposition of horror against a warm, welcoming environment. Bioshock and to a lesser extent Dead Space 2 would go on to do this sort of thing quite effectively.
Also, when I took my Pacific cruise a year or two back, I remember being fascinated by the hallway just outside my cabin door. It was incredibly narrow with a low ceiling but extended from one end of the ship to the other, so you could stand right in the middle and it would seem to stretch infinitely in both directions, a regular pattern of doors, carpet and ceiling lights. It somewhat reminded me of how the hotel interiors were shot in Stanley Kubrick's The Shining, and the potential for scares and atmosphere building hung thickly in the air."

Now, given that my story was set in some form of city and his is on a boat, there must be some form of transition or other form of concession made to location. This brought me back to a Cracked article from this time last year: The 6 Most Mind Blowing Modern Ghost Towns.
These aren't places like the townships of dead mining towns similar to the ones littering the Western Australian landscape. These are massive constructions that have been left abandoned for various reasons. The following are on that list:
- An abandoned Theme Park bigger than anything currently operational in Asia
- A man-made archipelago that is slowly fading away
- An Underground Rail Network abandoned
- North America's largest (and largely disused) Airport
- The World's largest shopping mall (in a city that was too small to support it)
- A particle accelerator 3 times larger than the Large Hadron Collider (that was underfunded and then abandoned)

With those above, or something similar, I could comfortably merge the two stories (mine, and the idea from Yahtzee Croshaw).

My current working storyline is something like this:

*****

Person with cybernetic enhancement loses something. Gets assistance from friends.
Checks some form of CCTV to find someone trying to get away (see electric car notation).
Can't figure out who it is until they realise that technology can help them find the culprit.
After a near miss at retrieving Cyberperson's McGuffin, Cyberperson gets a fresh lead and follows it up alone.
Enters abandoned place.
Cyber Shenanigans happen.

*****

Obviously, there are more details than that in my head... but that is the gist.
There are other things, like what sort of Cyber Shenanigans happen and who/what causes it (this part is currently a case of "what is the least overused cliche"....) as well as the specific situations, locations and so on....
But that's the current state of play.

Later on, I'll add things in, like specific city/town issues, takes on the global economy/issues of the time (specifically, is the society "Post Scarcity" for most things? Do people still work in many industries, or have they been replaced by automations? Would Artificial Intelligence be around by that time?)

It's currently 20 past 11 at night. I started typing this post at about 8:30pm after doing "research" (that's my story, and I'm sticking to it :P ) on various things, from future technology analysis to solar electric car history to Google Glasses and current Bionic Eye technology, for a few more hours before that. Good times, good blog :)
3 hours of typing for two and a half thousand words.
Damn I'm feeling good. And tired. And work/call tomorrow.
Whoops.
Totally worth it (until I re-read this tomorrow and find all of the mistakes I've written in and not proof-read to correct...)

(also, what is it with Blogger being so hard to get along with? It fails to save my stuff half of the time, and similarly won't allow me to preview... also, it has a bad habit of misformatting everything...)

REVIEW: Yahtzee Crowshaw's books

Today, I finished the second of Yahtzee Croshaw's books.

For those who don't know, Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw is a guy who does video game reviews in the form of a five minute video review whereby he speaks at a nearly incomprehensibly fast rate with the aptly titled Zero Punctuation. He also runs a column where some of the more subtler aspects of video game culture are better analysed in two page columns for the similarly aptly named Extra Punctuation. His style of video commentary is probably best described as fantastically sarcastic, bitter and somewhat illuminating. His columns are less sarcastic but more illuminating. Indeed, I have discovered a few things about gaming that I could not quite put my finger on without being prodded in the right direction by his hand. Whilst I don't always agree with what he has said, nor do I always find his attempts at humour always hitting their mark (indeed, lately Zero Punctuation has been moving down hill in that department, I think), I do generally like the way he tries to get ideas across.
With the subtle differences between his video commentary and his column writing, I figure it would be interesting to read his books.
That's a lie. I got the first book, Mogworld, because I wanted to see how he padded it out to a novel length... and that it might be a funny read.

So....

Yahtzee Croshaw - MOGWORLD

 This story starts with a budding magic student, Jim, in a line up out the front of his magical college, waiting to be overrun by the local barbarians. He dies... but then is subsequently resurrected to work for a necromancer. From this point forth, he makes it his "life" duty to die permanently. This sort of takes a turn for the worse when his "master" gets eliminated and he, with a few companions, travel across the lands. This, of course, leads to more shenanigans that reveal more about the larger world, specifically that Jim and his companions are just characters in a large online multiplayer game that is getting its bugs ironed out (I'd call it spoilers, but it actually says so on the book's blurb so... yeah. Also, if you couldn't pick that up after the first few chapters, you really weren't paying attention).

Regular viewers/readers of Croshaw's work will immediately find themselves in a familiar location, humour-wise. There is a heavy smattering of the droll sarcastic humour lying around and it is mostly done quite well, though people who know more about gaming will get more out of it (that shouldn't be surprising really, considering who it has been written by). You can tell the British styled humour seeping through and there is one section, shortly after Jim's first resurrection, that just smacks of Monty Python's Holy Grail. The ending (or at least the absolute ending... I'll get to that in a moment) is also very clever.
The ending does drag a bit and goes through several stages, not completely dissimilar to the screen version of the third "Lord of the Rings" (though, to be fair, not anywhere near as painfully long), and I think that the book does suffer a little for it. It's not that I did not like the ending, because it is quite good, it's just a little drawn out. There are a few sections in there when not a huge amount feels like it is happening too. The story is nothing exceptionally ground breaking, apart from the whole "I just want to permanently die!" aspect. It does aim for gamers a little too much, though that is to be expected a bit.The humour is reasonably limited in scope too, though not in quantity, being primarily dead-pan black sarcasm for the most part.

Most of the book works smoothly and is reasonably well written. As is probably obvious it will appeal more to gamers than anyone else, but that does not mean those who are not will not get anything out of it. For starters, it is kind of refreshing to see the protagonists as the kind of people who you would ordinarily associate with the background of any similar form of creative product (actually, this is happening more frequently, most notably "Redshirts" by John Scalzi) and it is a pretty good satire on the current state of gaming culture. However, I think that more than a few people will find that it falls flat if you can not appreciate sarcastic humour.

Overall, I would recommend this book if you watch a few Zero Punctuation clips or read a few Extra Punctuation columns and find that you don't mind the humour used, or if you want to read something that takes the piss out of modern gaming.
Also, for those who are interested, this has been released in Audiobook form with Croshaw doing the vocals. Could be Fun.

Yahtzee Croshaw - JAM

"I woke up one morning to find that the entire city had been covered in a three-foot layer of man-eating jam."
These are the first words that greet the reader upon entering this book.
That's a lie, there's also a dedication to Google Street View thanking them for saving him a bus fare to remind Croshaw what a particular building looked like. Also, the usual stuff about "Any resemblance to etc etc"... which, quite frankly, seems stupid considering the batshit insane opening to the book, provided above.

You are viewing from the eyes of Travis, a rather slow witted person, who happens to be one of the few survivors of a "Jampocalypse" with his housemate Tim, in Brisbane. They are soon joined by Angela, a journalism student, and Don, some form of software developer with a chip on his shoulder and a missing software build, and together they try to figure out a way to survive man-eating jam.
In the course of events, a US military helicopter crashes in to Don's apartment, presenting two new people... who are quite reluctant to provide any sort of information even though it is quite clear that they have a pretty good idea of what's going on. X and Y, as they get called (in order of Chromosome designation), try to keep as little as possible to do with the other survivors but keep coming back to the group and manage to give semi-cryptic directions for the group to progress. There are also two groups of surviving colonies they find: A group of hipsters congregating at the mall and a bunch of middle management types in a corporate building a bit further down the road.

As you might imagine, the humour is much the same as the previous book only more.... overt. The whole world appears to have devolved in to stupidity, with the hipsters/internet kids a very obvious caricature of themselves, especially when trying to run a post-apocalypse civilisation. There are very few people in this book that appear even remotely sane. The main character is, essentially, a complete dumbass who has no idea of anything at any time... which is quite frustrating at times. The problem is that viewing this scenario from one of the dumbest people ever is about the only way that such an absurd tale could be told. It does work... but there are times where you want to slap most of the characters.

Another problem I had was with the way the story ended. The pacing, for the most part, was reasonable. Although it did feel like that not a huge amount was happening for the first three quarters or so of the novel, it didn't matter because it felt right. The last quarter, however, seemed to go a little too quickly. It might have been that the previous elements had lulled me in to a smooth cruisy rhythm or perhaps it had just been the abruptness of the pace rise that made it seem too jarring an increase. The ending/final two chapters also seemed a little too rushed and/or neatly stitched together. Didn't quite fit with the rest of the story in my opinion.

With all of that said, I read it in about 3 days. It's not that it is unputdownable, it's that you genuinely want to see what insanity happens next. The book starts with the ridiculousness turned to 10 and somehow occasionally ramps it up to 12, such as when the Goliath Bird Eating Spider is introduced or when the mall hipsters do... well... anything. The writing is alright, and the story is pretty straight forward once you get past the initial premise. If you have ever read "JPod", by Douglas Coupland, you will have a good idea of the level of hilarious insanity.

And that basically sums it up really. If you like offbeat and completely absurd humour, you might find it appealing. If not, you really should look elsewhere. It does feel like a weaker book than "Mogworld"... but "Mogworld" has the luxurious advantage of being about something more solid/with a more common back history.

IN CLOSING

I like Yahtzee's online work and, for the most part, the books he has written carry this on. I will say that he does feel a little limited at times, particularly through "Jam" and, it might just be me, I didn't overly like the endings as much as the body of the books. The first finished after dragging the tail a little, where as the second did the opposite and seemed to be a little rushed or too clean. He does have a brilliant imagination and, as some readings of the text based Extra Punctuation will show, he can be quite in depth and very thoughtful with how he goes about what he does. His choice of lead characters is unique and the stories are better off for it.
Overall, if you have even a passing interest in his online work, I recommend at least "Mogworld".
Jam may not be to... everyone's... tastes...
Erm... yeah. Let's stick with that.
Wait...

Magnetic Man Dudes - 001 - I'll Save You!

In an effort to pad out the content here, I am going to use this as a restaging post for all the Magnetic Man Dudes and Mid Week Microscopy shots that I have posted on Facebook.

As such...

Don't Worry: I'll Save You!

“Captain Planet” could never be made with adult protagonists (or at least not when written by Manga creators)

So we start this thing out with a thought that occurred to me today, whilst walking home from the hospital after dropping off the On Call phone, and a thought that I will type out now because if I don't I will forget it:
Ma-Ti actually possibly had the best power... or at least one for a team based tactical game with strict vision rules.
Hmm...
I probably should back up a little bit there.

I was walking home and thinking about a game that I have just picked up on the Steam sales. It's called “Frozen Synapse” and I can best describe it as a board game with simultaneous movements. Both players make their minions moves by a series of waypoints and, once both players are satisfied with their minions' moves, the game plays out five seconds of action. If your guys happens to spot an opponent's minion during its movement, your guy will try to shoot him out. Person with guys left at the end of the game (or most guys left after a set period of time, or completes an objective when there is one) is the winner.
Quite a cool game and the single player aspects have an AI that is actually somewhat competent (a major plus for me).
Anyhew... You can play the game “Blind” or “Dark”, whereby you can only see what your guys see. You know what the level layout is, and you know the last position of the guys you have seen (or their starting position if you have not spotted them) but you can not see where the opponent has positioned their players if your minions can not see them now.

And, somehow whilst crossing the bridge (because I wasn't thinking Captain Planet at the time), this is when I made the thought “Ma-Ti has the best power”: The power of Heart has very limited uses... until you are completely blind to what the other people are doing. Once you know where they are, you are able to plan much more effectively. This is a common plot point in the series: Whenever the crew is stuck, Ma-Ti goes “Hang on a bit, let me see what the animals can...”. Suddenly, the birds tell him that the people they are chasing are over that way or a pod of dolphins knocks the boat enough to allow an escape. In short, if you had to leave any one out of the group, the last person would be Ma-Ti... and not only because he had a monkey.

I then realised that I had become somewhat corrupt in turning the biggest pacifist on the show in to something that I would use in tactical warfare.

Then I thought a bit further and each of the Planeteers could have been gods... or at least world dominating masterminds.

Let's devolve this in to a Cracked Article:

5) Gi – Water

Probably the show's second least-obviously useful character, short of Ma-Ti of course. This is largely because Gi's water abilities tended to need a reasonable body of water to be of any use to the Planeteers. I'm not even sure (and can not be bothered to look up) if she managed to make it rain or if rain was ever used in conjunction with her ring's power.
However, if I may be so bold, I'd like to suggest another use of Gi's ring.
The human body is roughly 65% water (give or take 10 percent, depending on who you talk to).
Elimination of opponents has never been easier.

Which, I guess sets the scene for the rest of this article.

4) Wheeler - Fire

As a kid, I (and pretty much everyone else) wanted to be Wheeler whenever we played Captain Planet. Control fire, burn things, hit on Linka. What's not to like? It's the most obvious choice for abuse of power. In the opening credits, he melts the road to stop a runaway van. Hell, even in the first episode he gets a burn when he claps his hands and says “That's HOT!”. It was probably because the ring knows a bad pun when it hears it. On an unrelated note, the fact that I can remember that piece of dialogue and not the finer points of Calculus that I actually trained hard in for many years mean that it was probably good that I did not become a true scientist.
Of the characters, he's the only one that regularly creates his speciality out of nowhere. All the rest require a source for their abilities (Linka being a notable exception only by proxy because Air, therefore wind, is pretty much everywhere on the surface). It wasn't often that there was fire around, so Wheeler generally created it. This, combined with the nature of his power, means that he is also the one most likely to be able to cause wanton destruction.
Your vehicle appears to be running on a combustion engine. Watch me explode it.
You are polluting the river with toxic waste? Watch your factory incinerate.
You were shooting at us until I made you do the burny dance.
You disagree with me, therefore must burn. Please spontaneously combust.
That sort of thing.
Fun.
Note those last two? Yeah, that's exactly what a psychopathic wielder of fire would do (or at least it would be if I were writing the story). Does that say something disturbing about me? I'd like to think that power corrupts.

3) Kwame – Earth

In terms of abilities, this is actually one of the better ones from the get go because, short of being in space, mid air or in the ocean, the planet is largely comprised of... well.... earth. His leadership stopped many a quarrel between the Planeteers and his attachment to land was probably the reason he was given his particular ring.

Kwame was a pretty cool guy with the pretty cool ability to rend the planet's crust at will.
Wait... that wasn't meant to sound ominous.
Kwame was the leader of the crew, and his powers involved protecting the planet by destroying the local environment and reshaping it at will.
Ooops... that makes him sound like a bad guy.
Kwame could have made many awkward teenage moments more real when they say that they want the earth to swallow them up.
Hmm.... this is harder than I thought.

2) Linka – Wind

For some reason, the creators of the show thought it would be a good idea to have the American character hitting on the USSR character. For some reason, the USSR character kept rebuking the dumb US citizen's come ons. It was a crazy crazy time.
Linka was the wind-controlling person of the crew. In fact, I'd like to think that the scientists who are testing this out did so because they too wanted to be Linka, but this was the only way they could possibly do that without being a Russian teenage girl.
We don't really need to think too hard about how the wind can screw things up when in the wrong hands... Like flying cows.

The world needs more flying cows.

Anyway, this is another easy one to subvert... mainly because you need to breathe. All your breathing is doing is your chest creating a low pressure zone for the air to come in to your lungs... why not use the power of wind to take that to the next level to teach the baddies a lesson by hyperinflating them?
And we could always do hilarious sudden vacuum cartoon body explosion if you want the wind to go to the other direction.

This gif never gets old.

1) Ma-Ti – Heart

No one, but NO ONE, ever wanted to be stuck with Ma-Ti. The only plus side to having Heart as your useless power is that you got a monkey side kick that did things for you.
Well, as noted in my initial statement, his powers are much much bigger when you factor in real team playing. Not only that, which is nearly lost in the cartoon, but he has the ability to control lesser minds and telepathic thought.
Let those sink in for a bit.
Let's start small and work our way up here.
If you are hiding around a corner, and Ma-Ti is actually doing his job, he can detect exactly where you are and direct the rest of the group to lay an effective beat down.
But why start there? Why not just contact the local fauna to give your position away?
Because that's no fun, and you should totally try dodging the local fauna he has directed to charge you.
But why stop at controlling entities outside of your body when you can directly control the tapeworm in your gut to perform the John Hurt moment?

Even better, using telepathic communication he could whisper all sorts of nonsense in your ear until, over a period of time, you go quite mad and do the job yourself. Assuming that he doesn't take control of you directly, you feeble minded person.
Ma-Ti is, basically, Professor X without the wheelchair. And with a Monkey.

***

So... yeah.
Thinking it through, a teenage kid these days would probably look somewhat more like the above if you were to give them magic power rings.
It's probably a good thing that I am not in control of writing children's shows.
Manga artists, on the other hand...

In wrapping up, I found out a few good things whilst researching for this:
A lot of high profile people provided voices for the cartoon.
Whoopi Goldberg was the original voice of Gaia.
Jeff Goldblum did Verminous Skumm,
Tim Curry was MAL, Dr. Blight's computer (Dr. Blight being voiced by Meg Ryan).
The original Zarm was Sting, and then Malcolm McDowell took over.
Martin Sheen did Sly Sludge.
There are a few others, but these are the main stand outs.

Amusingly, because I had forgotten about the character, there is a Duke Nukem. Remember the story arc where the bad guys get rings of their own? His was radiation based (strangely enough). That makes me an evil character, I think...

Finally, there has been an attempted gritty reboot (which I am sure would feature some of the above) AND a live-action show.
Why we were spared these, I don't know... but I will be sure to thank a higher power for that.